Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Writers' Strike!! *Updated*

I have been insulted, and I demand satisfaction. Dammit.

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - Bad news for American writers hoping for a Nobel Prize next week: the top member of the award jury believes the United States is too insular and ignorant to compete with Europe when it comes to great writing.

Yeah? Well, that would explain that Swedish flag on the moon. Also, I note, the F-22 Raptor, which I think we should use... That's right, people, we own the sky, so you should respect our writing better.

Horace Engdahl is quite the diplomat:

"Of course there is powerful literature in all big cultures, but you can't get away from the fact that Europe still is the center of the literary world ... not the United States," he told The Associated Press in an exclusive interview Tuesday."

Oh, I didn't realize. Well, I guess I'll go on strike then. I shall continue to not write, but now I'm doing it as the subject of a big, insular culture.

Now, I could give a "big culture" argument for the occasional accidents of beauty that is American scribbling, but instead I'll use pure logic:

Horace Engdahl is an asshole, and I hope he dies an asshole's death.

My stories about spankings are done until the entire U.N. passes a resolution to my glory. It would be their first resolution that actually did something in the world, and it would be glorious!

Hell with it. We still have Elvis. You hear that, Horace? Elvis.


Magnus, a high ranking diplomat from the Constitutional Monarchy and Parliamentary Democracy of Sweden, has assuaged my wraith with wise words that, like the Outlaw Josie Wales, carry the word of both death and life.

The Great Writer's Strike of '08... is over. For here-on-out I shall resume not writing out of laziness, not revenge. Fellow citizens of the world, I ask you to try to get back to your lives as best you can. That is all.